When You Got Revelation You’re Dealing With Narcissist
During your lifetime you’ve probably met hundreds of people, but dealing with narcissist ones was the hardest to handle.
Especially if you were involved with one.
The label of someone being narcissist is typically used these days to indicate anyone who is vain and acts selfish.
Unfortunately, if you were raised by a narcissistic parent, or are in a relationship dealing with narcissist, you will more likely feel like an object to be used, and manipulated so you can meet the narcissistic partner’s goals or needs.
Eventually, you will realize that your partner doesn’t see the real you and don’t care much about your needs.
Yes, it can be a heart-breaking discovery when you realize that you have been conned by someone you’ve trusted and loved for so long.
How Can You Tell If Someone Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder
According to Mayo Clinic, narcissism is defined as “mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others”
But behind this mask of extreme confidence, almost always lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings, are self-absorbed, and highly conceited.
Causes Of Narcissistic Behavior
It’s not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. As with personality development and with other mental health disorders, the cause of narcissistic personality disorder is likely complex.
Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to:
- Environment ― mismatches in parent-child relationships with either excessive adoration or excessive criticism, poorly attuned to the child’s experience
- Genetics ― inherited characteristics of such behavior
- Neurobiology — the connection between the brain, behavior and thinking
Risk Factors Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the early teen age or early adulthood.
Keep in mind that, although some children may show traits of narcissism, this may simply be typical of their age and doesn’t mean they’ll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Although the cause of narcissistic personality disorder isn’t known, some researchers think that in biologically vulnerable children, parenting styles that are overprotective or neglectful may have an impact.
Genetics and neurobiology also may play a role in development of narcissistic personality disorder.
Complications and other conditions that can occur along with it, can include:
- Relationship difficulties
- Problems at work or school
- Depression and anxiety
- Physical health problems
- Drug or alcohol misuse
- Suicidal thoughts or behavior
Because the cause of this disorder is unknown, there’s no known way to prevent the condition.
However, it may help to:
- Get treatment as soon as possible for childhood mental health problems
- Participate in family therapy to learn healthy ways to communicate or to cope with conflicts or emotional distress
- Attend parenting classes and seek guidance from therapists or social workers if needed
How Do You Know When You’re Dating And Dealing With Narcissist
These examples of narcissistic behavior are most common, and when you’re are with someone, or are about to be, pay close attention to these behaviors if you want to see if you are dealing with narcissist.
They Love Talking About Themselves
One of the easiest ways to detect a possible narcissist is by listening to the way they speak.
A pathological narcissist loves to talk about himself, often in most exaggerated and grandiose terms, and usually like to dominate a conversation.
Common conversational topics for narcissists include:
- exciting and envy-worthy activities
- excessive focus on personal issues and concerns
- excessive focus on looks and materialism
- putting others down to show it’s own superiority
They Can Be VERY Charming
Many narcissists can be very attractive and act as such, especially during the beginning phases of a relationship, when they’re trying to win someone over.
They use their charisma and do anything to get your attention, even it involves flattery, seduction, flirting, gifts, dinners, get-away’s, sex, etc.
It is their way to “sweep you off your feet”, and have the power of persuasion to make you want to give them what they need.
Don’t get us wrong with someone being charming, romantic, and a good lover, but the narcissist usually crafts these traits in order to use others.
Unfortunately, they are not really interested in you, but only what they want from you.
This is often due to the fact they want to fulfill their inner emptiness due to the lack of inability to create real and true intimacy.
Yes, you’re dealing with narcissist.
They Are Not Reliable
Another way to see if you are dealing with narcissist is to measure their actions against their words.
Many narcissists lack reliability, and as example, this can range from regularly breaking appointments, or habitually falling through on promises and agreements.
When you observe a pattern of inconsistency between what your partner says, versus what she/he actually does, yes, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
They Want Instant Gratification
Some narcissists expect instant gratification to fulfill their needs so they can feel valued.
This may range from forcing you to answer their SMS or calls immediately, up to the point of pressuring you to do things their way whether it is socially, inter-personally, or sexually.
A very quick way to detect if you are dealing with narcissist is to politely refuse something you’re not comfortable with, or you just say you wanna think about it.
See what happens next and how your date will respond.
If they try hard to persuade you, or show signs of irritation, impatience or even anger, then yes, you’re probably dealing with one.
They Are Constant Rule Breakers
A narcissist often enjoys to get away with violating rules and various social norms, such as cutting in line, breaking too many appointments, or disobeying traffic laws as an example.
In addition, pathological narcissists often show disregard for other people’s thoughts, time, feelings, possessions, and physical space.
They often overstep and use others with lack of sensitivity, always taking pride, rather than showing remorse.
Thoughts Of Entitlement
Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others like the world exist only for and around them.
For example, when you’re in a restaurant with your date, pay attention to how she/he treats the waiter and other support staff.
If there are constant picks on minor service flaws, you definitely need to be aware, because at some point, your date may begin to practice similar entitlement towards you.
They Are Professional Manipulators
Narcissists never develop the ability to identify with the feelings of others, and to put themselves in other people’s shoes.
In other words, they lack empathy. They view the people in their lives as objects, as they are there to serve their needs ONLY.
As a consequence, they don’t think twice about taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
Narcissists simply don’t think about how their behavior affects others.
The only thing they understand is their own needs.
Always Put Others Down
During the initial phase of dating, the narcissist may pour out all their charm on you, and entice you with many compliments.
Be careful, even during this stage, pay attention to your date’s seemingly minor, passive-aggressive jokes and comments about yourself, your background, or some of your body features.
Consider whether these remarks are reasonable, or reflect your date’s selfish desire for you to “change for the better” (as they really would like).
Oftentimes, narcissists feel threatened whenever they encounter someone who appears to have something they lack, and especially those who are very confident and highly popular.
First thing on their mind is to neutralize the threat, and prop up their own sagging ego is to put those people down.
When “threatened”, they may attack with insults, name-calling, or even start bullying, in order to force the other person “back into line”.
How lame is that?
They Have Negative Reactions When Things Are Not “Their Way”
When dealing with narcissist, almost always you can expect they can’t stand any disappointments or rejection, and they will frequently react negatively when you don’t give them what they want, and in the way they want it.
Some of the common responses include:
- Negative judgment
- Personal attacks
- Passive-aggressive behavior
- Withhold of love and affection
- Threaten to withhold love and intimacy
They Don’t Want To Commit To A Serious Relationship
If you have been dating for a good length of time, and your partner is unwilling to make a serious commitment, it should ring a bell and be a cause for concern.
There are many possible reasons for a partner’s lack of commitment.
A true narcissist have lack of commitment showing in many ways, such as keeping the “status quo” situation with you, reap all benefits of intimacy, while looking for perhaps more eligible prospects.
Beware of such behavior, and consider to get out of such relationship.
It is toxic.
Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Person
According to Karyl McBride Ph.D from Psychologytoday, this is a checklist to define that you’re dealing with narcissist.
Answer these questions honestly:
- When something goes wrong, does your partner blame everyone but himself or herself?
- Does your partner refuse to be accountable for his or her bad behavior?
- Does your partner believe he/she is always right?
- Is your partner unable to tune in to your feelings or your children’s feelings?
- Does your partner seem to be out of touch with own feelings, or seem to deny them?
- Does your partner carry grudges against you and others?
- Is it all about your partner and his/her money, time, parenting time, property, and wishes/demands?
- Does your partner seem unwilling to listen to you and to hear your concerns?
- Is your partner constantly telling you what to do?
- Does your partner make you feel “not good enough”?
- Have your partner’s constant put-downs caused you to internalize this message?
- Does your partner never ask about you, your day, or your feelings, even in passing?
- Does your partner need to go on and on about how great he or she is and how pathetic you are?
- Does your partner lie and manipulate?
- Does your partner tell different people different stories about the same event, spinning the story to look good?
- Are the children uncomfortable with your partner, love your partner, but at the same time are reluctant to spend time with him or her?
- Have you come to realize that the kids protect themselves by not sharing their feelings with your partner?
- Does your partner mistrust everyone?
- Are the kids always trying to gain your partner’s love and approval?
- Has your partner spent minimal time with the children?
- Does your partner typically skip the children’s events if not having interest in that particular activity?
- Have others in your life said that something is different or strange about your partner?
- Does your partner take advantage of other people?
- Is your partner all about power and control, pursuing power at all costs?
- Is your partner all about image and how things look to others?
- After the divorce, does your partner still want to exploit you?
- When you try to discuss your life issues with your partner, does your partner change the subject so that you end up talking about your partner’s issues?
- Does your partner act jealous of you?
- Does your partner lack empathy?
- Does your partner only support things that reflect well on him/her?
- Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your partner?
- Have you consistently questioned if your partner loves you?
- Is your partner overly conscious of what others think?
- Do you feel used by your partner?
- Do you feel that your partner does not accept you?
- Is your partner critical and judgmental of you and others?
- Do you feel that your partner does not know and value the real you?
- Does your partner act as if the world should revolve around him or her?
- Does your partner appear phony to you?
- Does your partner swing from grandiosity to a depressed mood?
- Does your partner try to compete with you?
- Does your partner always have to have things his or her way?
If you’re struggling with emotionally abusive relationship, don’t worry – there’s hope.
We encourage you to reach out and get help, and try to learn as much as possible about this mental disorder.
After all, you deserve to be loved and cherished, as well as your children.
You want to have normal and better life, don’t you?
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